Toxic Mothers: A Son’s Guide to Healing and Moving On

This book serves as the beginning encouraging steps for sons to heal from the toxicity of their mothers…. While women are often encouraged to examine their lives, currently, men cannot easily process the quality of their life in reaction to their toxic mothers. There is little room emotionally, physically, politically or psychologically to speak negatively about women in general. As a result, when they seek healing, they may ironically consider themselves “weak,” and the world may accuse them of misogyny, toxic masculinity or whatever woke thing might strip men of the ability to reclaim the power their toxic mother so craftily stole from her son. This book will interest any man who needs safety in exploring his heart and his life in the context of a sabotaged future. But, it will also appeal to boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, siblings and anyone who realizes that the important men in their life may be suffering in silence.

“On a very large scale, toxicity is one person placing demands on others and then insisting in destructive ways that those demands be met.”

REVIEWS

“As American as motherhood and apple pie'—the phrase implies mothers and sweets are always a gift.  We know that is not true, but to name the toxicity of a mother feels like a betrayal of all that is good and holy—it is not.  Guy Arcuri bears testimony and the scars of a vengeful and manipulative mother and the effects that can linger for a lifetime if the harm is not addressed.  He engages his mom with truth honoring wisdom and a heart of forgiveness that invites every man who struggled with his mother to tell the truth and be mothered by the goodness of God.  This book is a gift of cool water for those of us parched by the paucity of a tender and strong mother.”

  • Dan B. Allender, Ph.D, Professor of Counseling Psychology and Founding President of The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology, Author of Redeeming Heartache

BOOK LINK TO AMAZON.COM: https://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Mothers-Healing-Finding-Integrity/dp/1958364002/ref=sr_1_4?crid=1S4CKU8W49RBL&keywords=toxic+mothers&qid=1663641525&sprefix=%2Caps%2C58&sr=8-4

Mom and I Months Before Her Death

Mom and I Months Before Her Death

A Cyclic Path To Healing

TRAUMA-FOCUSED NARRATIVE THERAPY

In my work, I’ve discovered men who’ve suffered trauma or have been raised with a toxic mother who are overwhelmed by the chronic, repeated abuses and pain they have experienced in their lives. In attempting to find relief or healing, they immediately stumble and lose focus trying to share the countless stories. They do not stay in one story, nor do they stay in the same time of history. They bounce from “one time on my birthday…” to “My mom even guilts me today” to “I don’t know why I keep giving myself away hoping others will like me and yet I constantly end up raging at how little I am appreciated. “ Narrative-Focused Trauma Care (NFTC) is a way to help a traumatized person discover the true effects of trauma on their childhood selves… one story at a time. This way, the struggler learns how trauma freezes them in the moment of that one incident, causing the child to flee, freeze or dissociate. The problem is that children do not have the capacity then or in their adulthood to reflect on how they have changed their style of relating to avoid the pain, fear, panic, and more. Nor do they understand why they habitually and most of the time unconsciously repeat the same pattern of abuse and reaction over and over both in their head and in their behavior.

NFTC allows people to collect and hold one story of trauma while, with help and safety and kindness, they discover what has held them hostage for so many years. That is, bringing one story to an NFTC session can help people understand how that one incident fits into the story line of their entire life- past, present and future. It is then and only then that healing and freedom can come- from the unwinding of fear, shame, contempt and more. It helps them grieve over the lost childhood stolen by the traumatizer or traumatic event. It brings a trust that they can safely experiment with new, healthier styles of relating. These are just some of the foundations of NFTC. Contact me and ask about how you might benefit from trauma-focused narrative therapy.

Our lives unfold one story at a time, and each story fits into the perfect repetition of a story arc. We believe we have found our shalom, our peace, our groove. Then, something shatters that shalom. In reaction, we attempt to find that shalom or create another until something happens to restore our homeostasis once again.

(Paraphrased from teachings by the Allender Center Staff)